Back again....Time for a self check. I got some very disappointing news today. Beyond getting into the gory details of the news, I would simply say that 5 years of work may have been all for nothing. The initial mission that brought me to Dallas, the mission that I was 3 months short of fully completing may never be completed. Great.
When I got this news today, I will admit that I caught feelings. I admit, there is bitterness there. I admit, I really am not feeling any encouragement right now. What I am feeling is a big sense of failure. A big sense of being pissed off. A big sense of loneliness and a big sense of being abandoned. Why loneliness and abandonment? My goals, my dreams and my achievements didn't seem to matter too much to those around me at the time. I gave my everything to everyone thinking that the same effort would be returned. Nope. Cool.
Enough of that belly-aching so what now? I took a huge shot to the face and a follow up to the dome and I am down. Now what....The only option is to get up. That is a no brainer. But as a 45 year old man, this comeback is going to be really different. 1) My physical rebuild is not the only part of me that needs work. My mental, spiritual and emotional areas need a restoration too. I have given too much of me too freely. That has to stop. Loving and caring for everyone to my harm has to stop. There will be balance. There has to be.... 2) I have a purpose in this life. I have a mission in this life and it is way time for me to be about that. No more detours. Unless God directs the detour, it aint happening. 3) Dead weight people gotta go. If you are negative, always wanting something, constantly complaining, etc. You gotta go....4) Continue to learn and stimulate my mind. 5) Get and earn my respect. 6) Stop being overlooked, ignored and regulated to the side. I am more that just the "Break Glass When Needed" guy. 7) Relearn and relove me. Goes without saying. 8) Relearn and relove the Lord. I miss His presence. Refer to point 1. 9) FIGHT! Never stop until the mission is completed. 10) Have fun.
I have come to realize that I am really different and that even though there are people around me, a lot of my journey is alone. I have come to the conclusion that this is ok. Probably for the best. Talking does no good, I just have to be about it, show and prove. Let my life bare fruit. Let my walk yield results. Just my .02 cents....
No comments:
Post a Comment