Truly Better Than This.....

Finally, I am back here...Finally, a little peace and quiet. Finally, a chance to write. Just some thoughts.

As I have been working and being a taxi, the Lord has been working on me with something. He is drilling to me that I am truly better than my current state. I AM TRULY BETTER THAN THIS! This was a piece of information that I thought I had already knew, but what I am finding out, I didn't know as much as I thought. I have accepted mediocrity in all aspects of my life. I have accepted the path of least resistance. I have accepted complacency. I have accepted the garbage that has been told to me that my drive to be better is "obsessive." I have accepted who I am not....A fat, lazy slob.

I am more than a glorified taxi cab.

I am more than a wallet.

I am more that a food disposer.

I am more than a being that takes up space.

I am more than a corporate worker.

I am more than a I.T. Support guy.

I am more than a jack of all trades, master of none.

I am more than a DJ.

I am more that this....

In the journey of God's destiny for me, I have to accept the fact that I am more than the human expectation. I have to work to meet GOD's expectations for me. This doesn't give me the license to act and think like I am better than someone else. But this does give me the license and power to go after that destiny God has for me; with the vigor and fervor that the Holy Spirit will provide. Letting go is a great thing as long as you let go of those things that are truly needed to be removed. I have deleted critical files from my system, which in turn has crippled me. The Lord has been slowly bring me full circle. I thank Him for it too. It is truly time for my beast mode to be activated in all aspects of my life. I am a aggressive person by nature. Somewhere, I let that go....When I did, I hampered me. I changed the way God wired me. I mess with systems that didn't need messing with. In turn, it takes so long to fix it...I thank God that He is making the repairs. I need to stick with computers.

Views from a Hospital Bed

It is truly amazing how fortunes can change in a matter of hours. On this past Wednesday, I went to our Prime Time Bible Study at the church, went to lunch with my lovely wife and went home to catch a nap before I had to go into work later on that evening. I left the house to go meet my wife for dinner before work, I began to feel really bad. Chest hurting, sweating, sick to my stomach, pain radiating everywhere. We get to the restaurant, I look like a hot mess and my wife makes a play call to take me to the hospital. That was Wednesday night. It is now Saturday afternoon and I am still here in the hospital.

During the past few days, the good folks here have tested my heart and cardiovascular system. I have even performed stress testing which shows how healthy my heart is under stressful conditions. To God be the glory, my heart is in great shape and as in the words of the cardiologist, "You have no reason to be the size you are. When you get out, don't keep working at it, WORK HARDER!!!" So why am I still here??? The doctors have kept me here because of the fact that my CK levels in my blood stream are about 40 times higher than normal. The program now is to flush my system out until those levels go down. This has been a slow proposition due to the fact that I was a tired, dehydrated mess when I stepped foot in here.

This experience has been a difficult one because in my short 38 years, I have never spent anytime in a hospital. Sure, I have been in the ER plenty for various injuries, but never a stay. This has been nerve racking and tiring to say the least. My spirit has not been the best, I have been pretty grumpy and I will state that I have been an emotional wreck and roller coaster. In the midst of all that, the spiritual battle has decided to happen in my proverbial front yard. I have said some things that I have shouldn't have said. I have had thoughts that I should not have had. I have had bitterness where bitter had no place...All to see that none, I mean none of those things that were presented to me, most that I had suckerly accepted were true. Job went through this same thing while he was being tested. His complaints in the midst of his trials were also false. God forbid, Job had it rougher than I currently do.

Yet in the midst of all this, it is just like the Lord to absolutely stop and park my behind to really deal with me. It is a shame and a scandal that He has to do me like this to get in a word in edge wise. I know I have to get my quiet time back with Him. God truly has a lot to say to us and He wants to talk too. I guess we run like we do, sometimes to try to avoid the conversation all together. Anyhoo, even though I was disappointed this morning when the doctor told me that I will not be going home today, I thank God for this quiet time that I am having with Him now. This is the most peaceful I have been in months. Possibly years.

Before I be quiet, I must say this. I thank God for my wife, Caretha. She has been by my side through all of this. (She is by my side through everything.) I have said somethings to her that were not only stupid...Lets just say really stupid. I know we have already gone through it and I apologized but I want to apologize in written form. Sweetness, I love you and I am sorry for being the rear end of a donkey. Please forgive me. I also want to thank my daughters, Shacora and Kelsey, for loving me and sticking by me. My love also goes out to my family (Mom, Dad, Judy, Teresa) extended family, church family and friends. Ok, enough with the Grammy speech...I just had to give my shout outs. I will be outta here soon Lord's willing; better than ever.

One love....

All I Can Do is Shake My Head....

You know, I have kept this blog stewing for over a year and my oldest daughter, Shacora, is begging me to become more regular on blogging here so I am going to hold my word and do that. (Oh by the way, please check out Shacora's blog @ http://sbmaige.blogspot.com/ She has a wonderful insight, one that will inspire you as well. I am so proud of her and I love her very much. Now back to the program.) I have had a lot of thoughts going through my head and heart, it has left me really scatterbrained as such. I will try to systematically go through them with different posts. And if I seem scatterbrained then ok...

This Sunday I am going to concentrate on my brothers a bit. How in God's name can anyone take us seriously when we look like we have been stuck in time. We look, act and talk like we are in the 1990's. Our country has elected a black man as President and here we are looking like a crew from the Clinton era. I will admit that I am has hood as they come but there is a time where we have to see things from the eyes of a man. I have been blessed to have grown up in the shadow of good, hard working, family loving, God fearing men. These brothers enjoyed the fellowship of other brothers but not at the expense of their households. Making sure that their house was protected, wives were cherished, kids were raised right, house in order and first and foremost, being led by God, was the mission for these men. They might not have been perfect, but they gave it their best. Truly, are we (my generation and younger) giving it our best? We have fools running around thinking and trying to be thugs, fools running around thinking and trying to be women, fools running around confused, fools running around forgetting that they are husbands, it is amazing and a tribute to God's grace on us that we are still here. My God we can do better, be better and ordained to be better than what we are. We are playing ourselves to be fools, clowns, comedy acts, bottom line, jabronis. I am tired of watching our sisters suffer through the foolish actions of us men. We are so much better that what we are and it is time to bring up our game. Enough fussing, just my .02 cents though.

I Am Really Sick and Tired of How Our Country is Operating

It has been awhile since I have placed a rant here on Facebook.  I have been in sponge mode for the past few months and the political rhetoric and the lack of action in Washington has left mentally and spiritually tired.  My emotions have run the gambit and I would say that it is probably not wise for me to even write due to the fact that I may come off in a jumbled diatribe.  I will start with the straw that broke my back, the Tom Tancredo statements at the Tea Party Convention.

This joker made a case for 'literacy tests' for voters of 'foreign' descent; 'literacy tests' for those who can't speak english.  I shouldn't be surprised but in laymens terms, this guy is arguing to re-establishment of Jim Crow and voting rules pre-Civil Rights Bill of 1964.  Is this the country that the Tea Party claims that they want back???  What is conservative about this???  How does 'literacy tests' keep our taxes and the deficit down???  All the blood that was spilled by people of color and women, just for the fair chance to vote and here comes this clown arguing the re-establishment of 'literacy tests'?  Our citizens SHOULD know this history and yet they sit there and cheer and clap in approval.  Oh, lets bring back lynching and separate but equal while we at it...This is the country that so many people want back.  That is THEIR AMERICA....Nice.

Then there is our government not getting anything done.  One of my fears in the election of President Obama was that he would not get anyone to work with him on any issue.  Really, his own party has helped he become a first term, lame-duck President.  The Democrats are such punks, they won't exercise any leadership at all.  Get something done!!!!  At this rate, I do feel like my vote was wasted, these are the things that I will remember when I go back to the voting booth.  Also, at this point, I don't want to hear what the Republicans have to say because everything they say is for political expediency. It is all about scoring points instead of coming up with solutions with our country's issues.  This goes into my main point of this...

I am really done with the way our politics are going.  Our country is steeped with some many issues; issues that should be worked through by the best and brightest.  I do believe that difference of opinion and variety is good, God love variety as well; look at creation itself.  Both parties are doing the political boxing match, just throwing insults and jabs back and forth, while the working men and women of this country are getting reamed for every dollar they have.  The news channels just keep showing the day to day barbs and we are at or over 10% unemployment. (Even higher for communities of color)  Healthcare costs are skyrocketing, companies are pocketing money instead of hiring, the IRS still wants their cut, a college education is becoming more out of reach for average folks, people are hungry and all our elected leaders can do is go to conferences (pep rallys) throw barbs or just quit the fight all together.  We don't have the best and the brightest in office right now.  Both parties are loaded down with rich idiots, and it is showing.  The change of our country is going to have to come from the grassroots.  Not through political parties, but through people caring about others, like God loves and cares about us.  Maybe I have been a fool, but Caesar and his cronies can have it...(I think political TV and radio coverage will go on my Lent list.)

Battle Update-03 February 2010

Well folks, I had another weigh in on yesterday and for this week I have not lost any weight.  I am still at 413, no worries though.  I am weighing in every week at my doctor's office. (Dr. Callie Hollenshead-Methodist Health Systems in downtown Dallas.) Her nurse, Elvia, has been tracking my weight in my file and this has caught the eye of Dr. Hollenshead and she wanted to know what I was doing.  I told her my lifestyle adjustments and she was extremely encouraging.  Dr. Hollenshead said that this is the way weight loss should be done and that still at my current weight, 12 lbs a month is aggressive, but yet feasible.  She was very excited that I have taken on this, plus getting my blood sugar A1C numbers under control.  With the early success, there is more work to do.

Highlights:
1)  My dumbbell method seems to be working well.  It keeps me from having to rely on a spotter and I am able to do multiple movements without spreading myself all over the gym.
2) I am having fun working out with the 5AM crew of folks.  These older brothers and sisters are keeping me in check.
3) I am really being encouraged by Caretha's cardio workout.  That thing is sick and I will admit I am scared of it.  She is a beast!!!!
4) Speaking of cardio, I am running sprints in the gym.  Ugly, slow sprints but sprints nonetheless.

Improvements:
1) Not to let this cold derail me.  Every time I have started a workout program, I get sick. Cold, flu, monkey pox, something comes up.  I will drive through this.
2) More intensity in the gym.
3) Stay true to 2500 calories and NO EATING AFTER 8:30PM.
4) STAY IN PRAYER!!!!

Much love and prayers to everyone.

Battle Update-26 January 2010

Once again everyone, I have to ask for forgiveness for not being timely on my updates.  I admit, I have been trifling.  Please forgive me y'all!!

Thank God that I am seeing progress.  I stepped on the scale today at the doctor's office and 414 lbs. was recorded!!!!  We are -13 lbs already and I have made my monthly goal already!!!!!  God is truly good.

Observations:

The Good: 1) I am doing well with portion size and time of eating. 
                2) I am being very consistent with my water intake.
                3) I have kept the junk to a minimum.
                4) I am starting to get into a groove with my workouts.  More on that in a minute.

Need to Keep Working On: 1) My workouts and bringing more intensity to the table.  My workouts have been really cool as of late and I thank      God for bring in the 5AM crew at the gym in my life.  This group of folk, which I am the youngest of the bunch, really push and encourage me as I workout.  It is really cool.  I have started to play basketball with these guys and I have found my shooting stroke.  Now I have to find my stamina.  I am going to take the advice of one of the group members and concentrate my running to basketball.  (I do want to play pick up again.)  Now I just have to keep bringing it.  Also, I am adding more movements in my weight work.

2) Continue to watch what I eat, but I need to EAT as well.  I am finding that being on this journey as a diabetic is not easy because my body is expecting something that it has been getting for so long and now it is not.  I guess I am a food junkie that is going through withdrawals. Thing of it is, it sometimes throw my body in a tailspin.  So I have to concentrate on keeping nutrients in me; whether it is fruit, a salad, something.  Right now, eating is not my life, I am eating to live.

3) Keep check on calories.  Stay true to my 2500 calorie a day limit.

4) Keep water intake up.  I had a diet coke on Sunday and it was horrible.  I may never go back to sodas.  I think I am done.

Well, that is enough from me.  Please keep praying for me and I will improve on my updates.  Much love to everyone.

Battle Update and Other Thoughts-15 Jan 2010

Please forgive me in the frequency of my postings.  I will work harder on getting the Battle Update out everyday. 

It has been a few days since I have made (in my eyes) some pretty drastic adjustments in my dietary lifestyle.  What I have done is this:
1) Eliminate ALL sodas. Diet included.
2) Drinking 96oz of water a day (need more)
3) Eliminate eating heavy meals after 8PM. (I eat fruit or drink water for snacks)
4) Up fiber content by a factor of 2. (This has had dramatic consequences to say the least.)
I will say that these adjustments alone, I have been feeling a bit different.  I don't feel as lethargic in the mornings.  Hmmm, I am wondering if my late night eating was covering some things up.  As I relearn my body in this new mode, I will put my observations here.

So far, I really need to improve on:
1) More intensity in the gym
2) Further improvement on my eating. (spreading calories through the day)

I got to keep working.  Please keep praying for me.

Now on my other thoughts.  The situation in Haiti is one of truly dire proportions.  The recovery effort will be and now is an effort that our country will own.  It is very important that the US is fully engaged in Haiti because:
1) This country didn't have but especially now has NO GOVERNMENT.  The prime minister of Haiti is out on the street just like everyone else there.  The ruling government in Haiti has always have been corrupt and tack on the centuries of poverty and neglect, now we have a humanitarian crisis of Biblical size.  This point goes into:
2) Who fills the void???  I am no fan of regime change, but this earthquake may have done it for the Haitian government.  Some where in the process, there will be civil unrest.  Chance are, when the people begin to get their feet underneath them, they will take the advantage of forcing changes in Haiti.  Who do we want to fill the VOID??? Al Queda??? Castro??? Chavez???  Which brings me to:
3) Haiti is an 90 minute flight from Miami.  Nuff said here.

I will comment on Rush and Pat Robertson later...Time for a nap...