It has been since 24 May 2012 since I have written here. 6 years...A lot of things have changed in 6 years. I'm a grandpa, kids married, my childhood home was destroyed and my parent have moved into a brand new home (in a great neighborhood) and I am over 200 pounds lighter. God is still good. I felt that coming back here was the appropriate place to share. So I am back, putting on this pair of shoes that are in the back of the closet, remembering why I kept this "pair". It is comfortable.
Someone close to me asked me to read something. She asked me not to comment or tell her when I read it. I won't go into any detail about what she wrote but she expressed, in her beautifully powerful, literary way, the pain and anguish that she has been going through for many years. As I read her testimony on her battles, not only did I wept, but my soul did too. I became angry at the the people who hurt her, I became even more angry by the people who so called tried to help and instead, inflamed the pain. Yet, this is what happened.
The normal, weak platitudes don't and can't apply here. No, I don't understand where she is coming from, no I have no frame of reference, no my story can't compare. All I know is that many whom I have encountered have similar stories. Even though the tactics and strategy for each person's battle are different, the battle is always the same. That battle is trying to be whole again. It is like a restore point in Windows where when a bad update or piece of software gets in, you can take your computer back to a point in time when things last worked. Our lives don't run that way because time marches on and each minute is new and past almost instantaneously.
Is regaining wholeness achievable? I believe it is but that is determined on what being whole to you is...What is your definition of wholeness? Yes we are molded by our experiences, but are we truly defined by them? Lifelong philosophical questions that we answer individually. There is no simple path from recovery of all this, you already know this. You live it daily. I trust in the hope that because you keep pressing on, as my Paw-Paw used to say, "Keep Tramping!" you know that giving up is not an option. I trust that through your battle, you can be a light for someone else going through.
I am not sure how you see yourself but I know what I see. A beautiful person with a beautiful mind, heart and soul. You are a blessing...God always does the best work when we think all is lost....Like the barren battlefield, yet there is one wildflower sprouting from the wages of war. There is hope, there is love, there is the next moment. Just my .02 cents...
